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January 2, 2011

The Game Hasn’t Changed in Years…

I always remember my parents telling me that music today isn’t like the music back in the day…like somehow man only now concerns itself with “Bump n Grind” and “Birthday Sex”.  I don’t buy it.  I’m pretty sure evolution had nothing to do with man’s innate desires.  Women really haven’t changed that much.  They like to look good, hate on each other, and lure men into doing mind-blowingly retarded things in the simple pursuit of booty.  Men, come on that’s easy. We do anything in pursuit of the opposite sex, whether that’s putting up with annoying finance jobs so we can afford Lisa Louis Vuitton or  work out at NYSC 80 hours per week so that Petey the local bartender notices you(don’t ever say Dark Choc doesn’t look out for his fun boy fans).

Why am I bringing this up ? Little known fact, but guys love Christmas/Holiday songs way more than they are willing to admit.  I will sit  in my room and listen to the greatest Christmas song of all time on repeat while trying to decide where I’m going so that there is no possible way I’m in NYC for New Year’s(I failed this year of course, sweet jinx).  So the other day, I was listening to the radio in a cab and this song comes on ….

Look at the lyrics and try to separate the smooth innocence.  I’m pretty sure whats going on is a musical “cave man”.  You know, the exact thing that happens at every dimly lit bar, frathouse, or elementary school classroom.  Guy meets girl, guy and girl get drunk, guy does his best Johnny Cochran impression to convince her he isn’t the scumbag he actually is in order to bed her….I mean this is line for line from the song(see if this sounds familiar from the better looking sex):

Girl: “The neighbors might think? (They will judge the ever-loving crap out you, your boots, and your walk of shame)

Girl: “Hey whats in this drink ? (A carefully made roofie punch of Everclear and peach schnapps)

Clearly, the Dean has a response:

Dean:”Beautiful, what’s your hurry”(Roofie punch takes 10-15 minutes for max effectiveness)

Dean: “No cabs to be had out there” (Haha, ya no cabs in major cites…none at all)

Dean: “Never such a blizzard out there”(Seriously, its a matter of public safety that we cuddle)

By the sound of him, this storm was biblical.  I guess the song shouldn’t have been called “It’s cold outside” but “Its’ world ending snowing outside and I’m the last guy on Earth”.  So ya, next time someone tries to tell you how messed up your generation is, just point to Uncle Dean who was cave-maning girls when your parents were listening to music.

-Choc

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